The compulsion to create didn't stir in me until I was a senior in high school. Up until that point I lived in a perpetual fear of failure, scared to make something out of a fear that others wouldn't like it or that I wouldn't be "the best" at it...so, naturally, the teen-aged-mind (which is a bit wonky) thought "why bother?"
Then I fell in love with paint, with brushes, with the smells, with creating something out of nothing. For the next 6 years and two degrees in Painting and Drawing, I was possessed with the need to paint and be in the presence of a canvas.
My teachers often commented on my ability to come to the studios and just paint. Paint all damn day. I was referred to as the "athlete painter" - but I had NO IDEA what I was painting or WHY.
I have spent the last 14 years trying to figure out where the compulsion to create comes from and why I paint regardless of any outward success/lack of success of my artwork. I have used painting to cope with life, to prove something to myself, to work through emotions, to forcefully carve my own path, to mimic other artists versions of success, to tame the madness I've felt at times, to ease paint, and on and on. I painted because something was pushing me and I continued to try and find it with my mind.
What I have grown to know about my mind/psyche - that thing (referred to as the insane inner roommate by Michael Singer) is an absolute nut job. That inner "pal" is far from the best studio companion and it took the births of my two gorgeous+wild daughters to push me the edge of the psyche and start digging my way towards the real ME. That other, bigger, always at ease bit of me was what has kept the creative forges lit for me.
Motherhood shattered the old me into a thousand pieces and I couldn't be more thankful for that death. I found depths in myself that I didn't know existed and began the journey inward into darkness to find that the darkness is where I create from - but that darkness is infinite possibility and expansion, not a shadow to be afraid of.
Over the past 5 years I began to explore therapeutic energy healing with a soul friend that gave me the tools to access and understand the vastness of what we all have within us. That work, alongside a devoted yoga practice and learning to mother my girls, brought my art-making practice to a new place - to SPIRIT. My artwork slowly evolved into a creative practice to commune with Spirit, through the Archetypes, through Sacred Geometry, through the natural world, and beyond. I was finally asking to dance with the Cosmos.
And then COVID Quarantine. Fast forward two weeks into isolation and I found myself painting people and using my gifts to help people connect to themselves and others in a time of separation. What started as a simple social media post about painting people-for-people shook me up and flung me into a whole new life - painting full time for others. I no longer struggle with my "what" and "why" because my clients hand themselves over with such sincerity and authenticity that it has become soo wonderfully clear.
I paint in service to others. I create images that ask my clients to see themselves more fully, to acknowledge their depths, to see the love they possess for others, and to feel MAGIC!